Oblivion: End of the ban.

"Face your fears! You know you shouldn't look, but you won't be able to stop yourself taking a peek at the colossal vertical drop".

The reading ban is over. It has been over for three and a half days now so I feel I owe myself this post. Something I would like to begin with is that the fact of not being able to read didn't necessarily give me more time. Still in the office for most of the day + 3 hour travelling time each day don't allow too much spare time anyway. Was it worth it? Well, YES. In a strange way.

First feeling: Oblivion. Exactly like the ride (: the build-up (OMG, OMG); the anger (I really don't want to do this, why am I still here?); the fear (What will I do?); the increased anxiety levels (where do these voices come from now? Have they always been there?). I need to say I have experienced both 'Oblivions', the metaphorical and the physical ride (Thanks R, R and Zafron), and they have LOADS IN COMMON.

First question: Why do I read?

1. Refuge
2. To stop time
3. Pleasure
4. Being transported to a different reality
5. Research
6. Information
7. Communication
8. To stop doing chores
9. To stop other activities that, although I want to do them, they ask for greater effort (i.e writing)
10. Learn

Consequences of the ban:

1. Many, many unexpected thoughts. Anxiety.
2. Thoughts would create chaos around my life and the tiniest decision.
3. Thoughts couldn't be quiet. I had to isolate them and deal with them separately. That took time and effort.
4. When I was too tired to do anything else, I had to try very hard to avoid TV. I was bored, something I hadn't experienced in a long time.
5. Isolation. Most of communication exchanges happen via electronic devises nowadays: e.mail, blogs, texts. Personal and social isolation (I tend to read news rather than watch news, especially because I can select what I want to know about. On TV or radio somebody decides for me what I should know).
6. Disruption of night ritual.

What I got out of it:

1. I tidied up the house and the office.
2. I tidied up my head (dealt with thoughts I hadn't before)
3. I went straight into writing when I had to.
4. I experienced a different way of creativity. Something less artistic and more embeded in everyday life: cooking, food shopping, yoga series, clothing, writing, advice given to others.

Some of the main benefits I have taken out of it are

1. Awareness of how I distribute my time during the day.
2. Awareness of why I read and decision of keeping reading but only for the right reasons.
3. Awareness of having to find a balance in my life by deciding the time I allocate to the activities which are important to me.
4. Need for a reading-writing balance.
5. VERY IMPORTANT: Need for empty time to allow creativity to emerge and deal with inner thoughts.
6. In LIFE, like on Oblivion, even after taking a peek at the colossal vertical drop, you only have three things left to do: breath, relax and enjoy the ride.